Today I was in the shower.
You know it’s where I do my best thinking.
I thought about when I was single.
Not like it was sooo long ago…but it’s been some time now that I’ve been in a relationship. But today while I was shampooing my hair, I started thinking about how I used to get all dolled up and sit in Starbucks all day. (Whatever! No judgment. I used to write and stuff!) I would go in the morning and sit. I’d look all cute with my sexy-specs and just tap away on the laptop…waiting…hoping…praying that some hottie would walk in the door, look at me, and just.say.hello.
Fuck. I wasn’t asking for a marriage proposal.
Just a stinkin’ hello.
I was cute! Sitting there all intellectual-ish. But the door would swing open, men would walk in…and they would go right over to the line. WHAT THE HELL? Did I have a sign on my face that said,”DESPERATE”? Now, I have so many clients and friends that say all the time,”If only I could meet a guy organically.” Or, “Why can’t I just meet a girl at the bar?” Or how about those family members who say shit like,”Don’t try so hard, it will happen when it happens!”.
Really?!? It just doesn’t. Trust me, I sat there at Starbucks for 3 years. My ass left a permanent dent in the leather chair in the back corner at the Sbux on Quail Hollow.
This shit is hard.
It’s frustrating. Dating isn’t “organic” these days. It’s a job for those of us who really want to be in love or even just want someone to spend our free time with. But I have a few dating tips that really can help you…but you have to give them a shot! I’m not writing them here for my health. After all, they came to me today between the shampoo and the Clarisonic face scrubber.
Here are my dating tips for landing a first date:
1. Just Look Up. Ok, I know this sounds so stupid. But please, please do it. I was in a busy restaurant the other day (I’ve been planting myself around town lately for research purposes). As I scanned the place, I saw the tops of everybody’s heads. I swear to the goddess above, JUST THE TOPS. Nice hair, Y’all. But honestly, let’s see your EYES. Your lips and faces. How is anyone going to approach you if your head is down in your phone? Clicking and texting or some SnapChat that can totally wait. Posting something on Insta? You might’ve missed a super-cute girl ordering a drink right next to you. A golden opportunity to say hi. Just look up and make eye contact with people. I promise your chances will greatly increase of meeting someone.
2. Smile. Umm, this is so much bigger than you think. Studies show that smiles attract people. Yup, they do. So, when you’re out of the house, put on a happy face. (Even if it fucking kills you.) Be that person! Little Miss Positivity. I know, you want to throat punch me right about now, but trust a girl…a smile makes everyone happier. Even you.
3. Get Outside. Ok, I don’t know about you but I work at home. I’m a writer and a stay-at-home-mom so getting to a bar or to a party isn’t happening very frequently. And I’m not headed to work at an office every day to “meet at the water cooler”. (Do they still have those? Anywhoo.) If you work out of your house–and this goes for men too–get up and get outside. Make it a point to get dressed and do at least one or two things outside of the house. And when you “break free”, talk to people. Open your mouth and have a conversation with a person you may not know. Trust me–you never know when a good looking man is standing behind you listening and likes what you have to say.
4. Mix it Up. Do activities that are not with the same sex. Don’t be dummies, ok? If you want to meet the opposite sex what are you doing going to book clubs on your one free night out? Lawd. How about a mixed-hiking thing at the White Water Center? Yaaaaas. And if you usually do yoga with a bunch of vaginas during the day, try a night class with the sweaty dicks. (Pun intended.)
5. Stop the Whining. Waaaa. Where’s the Waaambulance? It’s enough of the negativity, Y’all. And stop saying, shit like,”I don’t like to” or “It’s not my thing” or “He’s not my type” or “I’m not really into that” or “I don’t want to do it alone”. Ummm, do you want to meet someone? Then do it. Go for it and give it a try. (And by the way, if you’re single at 45…you don’t have a “type”. Everyone is your “type.”) Try something or someone new. Get out there and just have FUN!
6. Married Wing-Man. Ready? Stop going out with your SINGLE friends in herds! Go out with a married girlfriend (or guys), or find a couple of married/attached bros. Hear me out! It makes YOU the only one that is available. Ha. Why do you want to be in a pack of blood-thirsty bitches, all on the prowl? Or men, let your married friends help you find a nice girl. You think a big group of single guys is looking out for your best interest? No way! Puhlease. Find a supportive, caring married friend who will be your wing-man and let her help you make the right choices. (I’m for hire if anyone needs an attached wing-man! I’m wicked at finding the good ones!)