I know how lucky I am.
My Ex and I get along so well.
We co-parent like rock stars. It’s not the norm…and I know it.
I am a lucky, lucky woman–and my kids are lucky, too. Our “un-family” is functioning beautifully and we are all thriving in our daily lives. (And I appreciate that others in my exact situation may not have it so “easy”.)
But I also know that it takes a lot of effort to achieve this space we have created for our children. It was a conscious choice that we made from day one…and still make each and every day. It is work to be kind, respectful and flexible. It takes work to be nice to one another even when we may not want to be. We have to put our egos aside and our childrens’ needs first…even when it’s difficult.
Being happily divorced takes work.
Being in a “Happy Divorce” is a choice my ex and I made and will continue making for the rest of our lives. It is a choice. It is decision. It is not an option. When we chose to get divorced, we also chose to do it right.
Because our children did not choose to get a divorce. They did not choose any of it. And they deserve the best of the worst.
So, when I get messages and emails asking me how we do it, or how I make it look so simple, I try not to get snarky! I simply reply, “Do you have kids?” And if the answer is yes, I say, “It should be easy. It should be a no-brainer.” An amicable divorce should be achievable or you shouldn’t be getting divorced at all. (Now, of course this is if both parents are of sound mind and it’s not an abusive situation.)
But if y’all are divorcing by choice, then choose to do it right.
I had a dear friend say it perfectly when she was on my podcast. She has two separate “relationships” with her ex. The co-parenting relationship and the ex-husband relationship. The co-parenting relationship allows her to be the mom she needs to be for her girls. (She co-parents like a boss and does everything she needs to do to make that relationship work!) But when she is dealing with him as her ex-husband, she can just function in that capacity. She does her best to “deal” with the ex she knows he is…I loved that. And it works for her and allows her to compartmentalize her emotions.
Look, no one is saying this is