How to Keep a Man (…and the top dating mistakes women make!)

You met for dinner. He ate with his fork. Even spoke in full sentences. Then, it happened…

He paid the bill. Oh. My. God. You actually found a guy you want to date? Yes! He’s a good one…and it’s only been six months, three weeks, two days and five hours. (But who’s counting?) You like him and he’s attractive, smart, AND witty. He checks off all your non-negotiables just like your dating coach talked about (hint-hint).

But now what? There are rules, lady! Just like men make mistakes at this dating shit, so do we! So I’m here to help–I’ve done the research and found the top dating mistakes women make. 

Here’s how to avoid losing that next great guy:

1. If it’s not a commitment, then it’s not a commitment!

Look Y’all, this one is about as simple as it gets. If you haven’t had “the talk,”, you are not in a committed relationship. Stop acting like you are or that man is going to run for the fucking hills. Don’t go through his phone (crazy bitch) or make plans with his sister. And please don’t question his whereabouts after three dates. (It’s none of your beeswax, Sis.) Slooow down and control your emotions or he is going to think you’re mega-unstable. Just enjoy the relationship for what it is. Use this time to get to know each other. You are NOT in a committed relationship until there are a clear label and a formal discussion. If the two of you are in a committed relationship, his friends and family, as well as your own, should be aware of it. (And of course, pictures should be posted on all social media to prove it.)

2. Living in La-La Land.

We all like to make up shit and assume,”Well, he didn’t text back. He’s probably on another date.” Umm, no…he’s probably just busy! We jump on the “assumption train” to nowhere and ride that shit until our brains explode with anxiety. And women do this all. day. long. We like to assume he’s on another date. Think he’s cheating on us. Believe he’s where he’s not supposed to be. Whoooo-girl. How about we just assume he’s doing what he said he’s doing and stop with the bullshit we are spinning in our heads? Let’s just trust him and take what he is saying at face value.

3. Going to the Chapel.

Not every relationship is going to end in marriage. (In fact, not every guy wants to get married.) Some relationships are to teach you what you DON’T want in a partner and others teach you about yourself.  Not every man has to be “the one”. Don’t go into every relationship with marriage as the end game. Try going on your dates with a positive attitude and a smile. Men love a woman that exudes confidence and a zest for life. (Not a woman dying to get hitched.) Dating should be a marathon, not a sprint. One of the top dating mistakes women make is to not take their time to really learn about the man sitting next to them. Make sure it’s more than just a physical attraction, too. I tell my clients it takes THREE months until a person shows their true colors (on both fronts).

4. Make a Connection.

The best part of a relationship is good sex. (Actually, it’s great sex with a person that you are genuinely connected with.) And men are looking for that real connection, even if they don’t admit it. Relationship coach Janice Moss says,“Men are not moved by sex. They are moved by what they feel by the woman they are having sex with.” …And damn if I only knew then what I know now! A guy can get laid just about anywhere at any time. But can he get always find that amazing connection? Nah. So, don’t give it to him until he earns it. When he calls late at night even if you are lonely….it shows desperation. Tell him no. Let him go sleep with someone else. Trust me–he will call you for the real date.

5. Use your words.

He’s not the only one that has to open his mouth, girls. We seem to always be complaining that guys don’t “use their words”…but what about us? So many of us sit there getting more upset by the second because they haven’t called all day. But when then when they finally do, we are all pissy. They’ll ask,”What’s wrong?” and our response is, “nothing.” Ummm. Did we use our words? He asked us a straightforward question. What is wrong? It’s not an algebraic equation…he just wants to know how we are feeling at that exact moment in time! Actually tell him so he can have a chance to fix the problem and resentment doesn’t build up.

6. Don’t go changin’.

Never, ever try to change a guy. This is not only one of the top dating mistakes women make but also the dumbest. It just ain’t gonna happen. Save your energy for all the hot sex you’re going to have when you only accept him for the amazing man that he is. 😉

There is no secret recipe for success or we’d all be falling madly in love (and I’d be out of a job). Just remember to be kind, respectful, and always remember the PLATINUM RULE: treat people how THEY want to be treated regardless of how we might personally want to be addressed in similar situations. Remember not everyone wants to be treated the way YOU would choose. Now…go get that man! And if you need any help, you know where to find me!

xo j

#datingafterdivorce #intimacy #relationships