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Pessimistic or Realistic?

I don’t want to meet the kids.

Or get engaged.

I don’t feel the need to co-habitate,

Or ever blend families.

I am never getting married again, and I think all relationships (after divorce) will eventually come to an end. Yeesh. Do you think I’m being pessimistic? Well, I’m not. I’m being realistic y’all.

And I am in love, and just living in the moment.

I mean, right?

Or do you think I’m full of shit, and just protecting my heart?

Don’t answer yet, I am still venting. I am not done stating my case. I want to vacillate for a little while longer, so when I’m finished I know how I’m truly feeling. Which is, after all, the reason I write this crap. Purely selfish. Oh, and I like to hear myself talk. Duh.

I want to trust someone, completely.

I want to believe that fairy tales actually do come true.

But come on, people…in the last 48-hours I’ve heard two stories about breakups that would make you hurl. And when they came to me for advice, do you know what I said? “Why are you even thinking that it is going to last in the first place?” Isn’t that sad? Clearly, it’s disheartening that’s what is coming out of my mouth. And I’m not trying to be mean. I’m just being honest, and realistic. I’m just trying to explain to lower the expectations and realize that NONE of these post-divorce relationships ever really work out.

They all just come to an end.

At some point.

Ok, ok. Maybe a few do last. Maybe, just maybe…you end up marrying a guy that you knew in high school, that is living in your city. Or perhaps, you’re one of the lucky ones that found a “winner” on Match. Com. Or, you meet Mr. Right at the CrossFit box. (Little plug, baby.) Good for you! But honestly, most of this shit is well…just shit. Look, I’m not saying these relationships aren’t fun, and exciting…and great! They are, for about 4-6 months. Then reality hits, and the guys feel pressure to really commit, and the women want to know “what’s the long-term plan”. Yikes. So, if you’re smart, you’ll just live in the moment…and be happy while you’re both happy. Enjoy the good thing you have going, and be in love while the lovin’ is good.


Or…Maybe I have a wall built up so high even Batman can’t even get over it. Maybe I do want to meet the kids and the family. Or even get engaged someday. But I’m petrified to even THINK it out-loud. I mean, shhhh! I don’t even want to write it. I just want to be pleasantly surprised if it happens! YES! Like a big, huge present, all wrapped up in a pretty bow! And so you know, I’m not good at this. This not-planning-my life-thing. I am used to knowing who, and when…and what. I am used to controlling everything, and everyone. Which is probably why most of my relationships have failed. (That, and I dated bunny boilers.)

I was too busy worrying about the future, to concentrate on enjoying the present.

But here’s the thing, ok? As women, we get so nervous and insecure that we might lose the good thing we have. We feel the need to grasp on SO tightly, that in the process…we end up squeezing the life out of our partners. Pushing them away. Oh, shit. There’s that word that women hate, insecure. But ladies, don’t we all feel it at times? And it’s ok to own that shit. Be self-aware, and dig deep. Why are you feeling it? Is it because your guy isn’t telling you how he feels, or isn’t making you feel wanted? Don’t let insecurity make you pressure him to “put a ring on it”, or change his FB status to “In a Relationship”.

Pissing on your territory ain’t gonna stop him from walking.

But you know what will?

Being a strong, confident, and secure girlfriend. And boy did I learn that the hard way. Needy isn’t sexy. Although, some assholes like needy chicks. But that is a whole other blog. I could go on all day about the men that are “fixers” and love to put broken women back together for sport. I swear, I’m going to have group “Truth Talks” around town, and we can all meet up and chat. I’ll facilitate and we can discuss dating til the cows come home. Shit, add in some alcohol, and a few good apps…we got ourselves a fun night out!

Oh, did we deal with my dilemma? Which is it, am I full of shit, and just protecting my heart? Or do I really believe that “Happily Ever After” is “Happily NEVER After”? Hmmm. Guess it all depends on the time of the month. Ha. Oh, and the guy! You’ll have to just keep reading and find out. I’m full of surprises! 😉

xo j

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