Everyone wants a stress-free relationship, but it’s almost next to impossible. What’s possible though, is reducing relationship stress to a point where it becomes enjoyable. Owner of Mindset Master Podcast & Coaching, Mandy Metz, discusses the importance of knowing your criteria in any type of relationship, whether it be intimate, family, or work. She brings a unique insight on maintaining mind to body health and designing a life that ultimately creates more joy and less stress. Mandy also tackles the requirements of the modern relationship and touches on the benefits astrology can have on your personal relationships.
Listen to the podcast here:
Reduce The Stress In Your Relationship With Mandy Metz
I’m going to try and slow down because I got a couple of phone calls saying that I was talking so fast that people thought that I had this speed thing where you fast forward. I’ve got to slow down. I’m going to take a deep breath and I’m going to bring it down a notch. I’m going to slow down. There are so many good things in the works today. There are lots of good things going on in my life. Lots of big changes and big things. I’m going to do a solo podcast and talk all about it. In this episode, I have a cool interesting, out of my realm of everything kind of guest. I usually have on divorce coaches. This coach, that one and this one.
I found this awesome woman on She Podcasts, which is the coolest place ever. I’m going to be speaking at She Podcast Experience Live event. This is cool to be having a special guest today from our She Podcast Live Facebook group. Mandy Metz is an astrologer, a metaphysician, a natural health practitioner, teacher, she’s a professional public speaker as well as a business management marketing student. Mandy, what don’t you do? How are you doing?
It’s so great to be here.
I’m so glad to have you. Everything you do is cool. Where do I start?
There’s a lot that goes on in my world. What’s interesting is, I take it all and make it work well together. Where would you like to start?
First of all, you have a relationship program and your Mindset Master of Modern Relationship Program.
Let’s talk about the relationship program. If I was to sum up, everything that I do, simply, I’m a stress management expert. 80% of the stress that we experience in our lives comes through in the way that we interact with our environment. These are the people that we’re in a relationship with. It doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic relationship or if it’s with your children, friends, or even your coworkers. This is where business management comes into play. How we do that can set us up for success or it can take its toll on us, whether that’s mentally, emotionally, or physically.
I’m already thinking in my head who I need to get rid of. Do I kicked my kids to the curb or is my boyfriend going next? I’m telling you, I feel my shoulders are up to my ears. Where do we start?
It’s getting clarity on what it is that you want from relationships and also being aware of where it’s already taking place. When we begin to realize that life looks so much more fun. When I started doing this, I started asking everybody in my world, “What do you want from a relationship? What are your criteria?” People don’t have an answer for that. I find that, interesting. I’ll be the first to say I am a tall order when it comes to relationships.
I am too. My boyfriend will have to agree with that. Is that a bad thing? Do you think it’s a bad thing to want what you want?
No, there’s a lot of empowerment and standing in that place. You stop arguing and you stop forcing things that don’t work. When you get to that place, when you know what you want, you stand in that place. Whenever you need to have that difficult conversation with somebody in your world, it’s more about what you want and it’s less about what they’re doing wrong. When we come from that authentic place, I’ve learned that you don’t even need to point out what they might be doing wrong. They arrive on their own. We should treat everybody in our world they’re capable and they’re intelligent.
Some of us have a hard time with it. I have a hard time with that. Is that because I’m mean? What is that?
As a part of my relationship vision and statement, I always start with, assuming that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. I like it because it’s a safe assumption. It doesn’t mean that it’s always correct, but it’s the impedance that people need in order to rise to a certain level. When you start there, it opens up the dialogue for conversation in ways that we didn’t even think were possible. For example, I have a new guy in my world. We’ve known each other for years. I’m a communicator, so I share everything. We got to talking about some of the steamier stuff. He’s telling me the things that he would find pleasurable and whatnot and I love talking about that. I did make it known to him that, “Any woman can crawl into bed and do that thing for you. Why me?” That’s the stuff that we can’t miss. Once I made that clear, the guy has been absolutely amazing when it comes to letting me know what he sees in me.
Are we talking sexually?
We’re talking everything wise.
I won’t deny the fact that I have a huge sex drive.
Me too. How old are you?
You’re a baby. All my audiences are like, “She’s a baby. That’s why she loves it.” I’m 47 and I love it.
I absolutely love hearing that. There was a time where I used to be in an adult toy consultant so I’m learning everybody’s stories about what that looks for them was super promising for me. I always knew that when I got into a relationship, I wanted to make sure that that thing continued throughout the whole entire relationship. I never want that to go away. It important for us to make sure that we’re taking that step back. We’re even discussing what that means to us and what the connection means. It’s about the person more so than the act.
It’s different for everybody because some people, sometimes you can connect in certain places and not in others. I feel that a lot with my clients. They’re connected in one area, but not in the other. It’s tough.
That’s a whole part of the growing process. We learn who we are through other people. We have this big concept of independence. “I’m an independent woman,” and that’s cool but the reality is, everything exists interdependently. If you were the only person on this earth, you would know that you existed, but you wouldn’t have any sense of self. You wouldn’t know what love was. When we get into those relationships, we learn where those things come up for us. It can be either scary or it can be empowering depending on how well we handle it.
We get to have these conversations and I admire the fact that we’re both direct and forthright, even when it comes to talking about the more difficult stuff. I am a straightforward person. It’s interesting when I’m going through the relationship program with my clients, they’ll talk about things like conflict. You need to have trust in order to be able to deal with conflict. If you don’t have that, it’s going to be a bumpy ride for both people. I’ll often hear people say things like, “I want to be able to handle conflict peacefully.” Define peacefully.
We fight all the time. Fighting is okay, but it’s how you fight.
The last guy that I was seeing, if anybody would have listened to our conversations, they would have thought that we were mean to one another.
Me and my boyfriend, we fight all the time. I love him. He’s my person. We fight. It’s okay to fight. He’s like, “We fight all the time.” I’m like, “We also make up. It’s all right.”
That’s what typically happens when you get passionate people together. It comes out in a variety of different ways and. Are you okay with that? Are you able to handle and take that and say, “Yeah. This is it.”
I love him. After years, my stomach still gets all funky when he walks in the door. I’m like, “I like that guy.”
Reduce Relationship Stress: 80% of the stress that people experience comes through the people you’re in a relationship with.
Even though he drives me nuts. Is that okay?
Good. I feel better. Thanks. I’ll send you a check in the mail.
This new guy, we have that same connection where we can be straightforward with one another. We don’t live in the same city so we were talking about a meeting in Vegas or something that. At first, I thought he was taking me on a mental trip because he’s painting the picture. I was, “Where are you taking me?” He assumed that I thought that he was going to pay for a trip somewhere. I was like, “No.” We got to laughing about it. One of those things, especially in the beginning, can shut something down. If you’re open and you’re willing to clarify, it makes things so much easier and simplified. I don’t know what it’s for everybody else, but when I get nervous, I word vomit.
Is that a female thing or is that an everybody thing? I word vomit like nobody’s business.
It depends on the moment. It’s when we get defensive. The moment that we start to get defensive, we feel misunderstood so we feel the need to explain ourselves. We end up over-explaining and the point gets missed completely. That’s why when it comes to great communication skills in a relationship, especially when it comes to conflict, it’s important to recognize that it’s going to take some time to narrow down what the root cause is, go from there and some adjustments along the way. I am so firm when it comes to that stuff where we have the conversation once. We come up with the solution, something that works for both of us and then it shouldn’t need to happen again.
What if it does? We have a conversation once. For some reason, I call it banking, we go back to the bank and it comes back out again and we take it further. Why shouldn’t it come up again?
What I find often happens in situations like that is, somebody said something to appease the other person or they weren’t realistic about their own sense of self.
He was either appeasing me saying, “Yes, yes,” because he wanted to get out of the arguments or he didn’t feel that way, but said he did.
Some people can take that in and go, “We’re going to have this conversation again. I’m a little bit concerned because we’ve had this conversation once before. What do you think went wrong?” You also want to make sure that when you have a more difficult conversation that you’re doing lots of follow up afterward. If you’re checking in, there’s a good chance that you don’t get to that place where things blow up. If you can handle it that way, then it’s a proactive maintenance aspect of it all.
Your Mindset Master of Modern Relationship Program is this all part of it?
Absolutely. When I ask people what it is that they want from a relationship or what their criteria are, and they don’t have an answer, I’m like, “Cool. I can help you with that.” The idea is that you come up with 2 to 3 sentences that fit what it is that you’re looking for. There’s a process to it. Most of the time, people don’t know what they want. We talked about their past relationships because, at the least, we can start with what you don’t want. When you begin to talk about what it is that you don’t want, you can flip it a little bit. I let people journal and I’m like, “Be honest.” I don’t want people to show up to me and say all the things that they think sounds great. I’m like, “Let your bitch switch flip.”
I said the same thing to my clients, “Don’t joke with.” They’ll go, “I want this.” “No, you don’t. What do you really want?”
That usually comes out in the non-negotiables part.
For me, for instance, I have two children. I’m good. I’m not having anymore. I’m the type of person that doesn’t enjoy being pregnant. I’m 37 that’s it. I want to grow the ones that I have and it’s a dream of mine to travel at some point. I have these little people. I love them to death. We were a great team at home. We practice the relationship stuff in our house as well, but no more children. If you want more children, forget it.
It’s non-negotiable. That’s the same thing with my clients. They say, “That doesn’t make me less.” Some of them will say to me, “I don’t care if he lives 50 miles away,” but they do. When they match with this person and they say, “He lives in another city,” but you said no to that, “It’s okay he’s cute.” It’s not going to work. You already told me that you didn’t want that. When they don’t work out, she says to me, “It was fine and then I realized it was not okay because he lived in whatever.” You’ve got to see what you got to stick to those non-negotiables. It’s not going to work from the get-go if you don’t own what you’re saying. I’m 100% with you.
If you’re not willing to uphold that non-negotiable that you said at first, how sure are you about what it is that you want? We have to have the willingness to be super decisive. You can take it from an empowered female perspective. This new guy in my world he calls me a queen. What would a queen do?
He sounds fabulous already.
I’m enjoying it. I am such a tall order. My girlfriends look at me and they’re like, “What’s going on there?” It’s fun.
It’s a crazy world. When you find someone that clicks and that fits, it’s nice.
Knowing that the feeling that they bring to you too. Your guy, what’s his name?
Jim. We call him Batman.
That’s awesome. The fact that you walk into a room and he still does something physically to your body, that’s a lot right there.
I still get that little excitement feeling and that little butterfly after all these years. That’s funny because I’ve never felt that way with any other guy. He’s the one that’s okay, but we do have non-negotiables. We are set in our ways. We’re not going to blend families and we did. We set it up from the beginning that way and we stick to our guns and people think we’re nuts, but it is what it is and it’s working. We remind each other all the time and other people and my clients as well. If it works for you, it works for you.
I even have a girlfriend who lives in the same city as me. Her and husband, they’re actually not married, but they consider themselves to be married, but she lives here and he lives 3 or 4 hours away about half of the year. That’s what’s an important part of the modern relationship is, figuring out what it looks for you. Having the willingness to communicate that and find whatever dynamic works. I did a commitment ceremony.
Is that’s something else you do?
It’s going to be a part of the relationship program. Couples come and take it together. They’ll be able to have that option. We include the four elements. It’s a little bit more spiritual kinds of things.
You do everything and you’re also an astrologer.
Astrology is what I use for the personality profile. When I’m working with my clients in the program, I use their profile. If I can see patterns that come up, I know whether or not they’re kidding me with fluffy language and things that.
Reduce Relationship Stress: When it comes to great communication skills in a relationship, it’s important to recognize that it’s going to take some time to narrow down what the root cause is.
I’m into astrology. That’s another thing with my boyfriend. He doesn’t believe in it and I’m such a believer. I’m like, “Your Mercury is in whatever,” and he’s like, “Stop it.” I went to Campowerment, this camp that I go to every year and there was a renowned astrologer. The busiest was the astrology. A hundred women packed in a room because we all wanted to know our charts like crazy.
It’s a huge world. Every natal chart contains 50 billion possibilities. You have more talent than you could ever use in this lifetime.
It’s cool that you can do that.
It’s been one of those things that’s a consistent study for me. Astrology and metaphysics.
Metaphysics. What exactly is that?
Metaphysics, it’s the sign of existence. Some people, when they get involved in the study, they tend to think of your spirit guides and things like that. I don’t take it to that place. We start with three basic truths, and the first one is what is, is. Taking a look at reality and the understanding that there is no conflict in reality, it’s our willingness to argue with something. For instance, people will say to me like, “You’re the most positive person I’ve ever met,” and I’m like, “You don’t see me behind closed doors.” You see the result. That’s cool. It’s being able to take a look at your own self-awareness and what value are you bringing to your community? Are you bringing to the world? What responsibility do you have when it comes to your beliefs in the way that you behave?
Your kids must be pretty awesome kids.
They are so amazing. My son Cain is 15. He’ll be 16 in November.
I have one of those too.
It’s been so much fun. We struggled when he was younger. He was diagnosed with a mild form of autism and ADHD.
My Jonah too, my oldest.
They are our challenging cards. They are our greatest test in self-mastery.
I say to my attendant, “My Jonah taught me how to be a mom.”
Cain is a lot like me. He loves to have philosophical discussions. We’ll watch movies and talk about the message. He’s ridiculous.
Sometimes I have conversations with Jonah and I’m like, “Start over, please. I didn’t get any of that.” He’s so much smarter than me. They’re brilliant kids.
I am able to honor where they’re at. I also have a seven-year-old daughter. She is my sweetheart. Cain was the type of kid where you couldn’t pin him down for anything. Iola is the one who will request cuddles. She likes to have that physical touch.
Your wonderful children. That’s amazing. Mandy, tell me, where can we find you? I hope that you come back.
If people want to learn a little bit more, go to my website, which is MyMindsetMaster.com For your audience, if they use the code DDR, they’ll receive 20% off for the relationship program.
Is that Doing Divorce Right?There is no conflict in reality. It is just our willingness to argue with something. Click To Tweet
Yeah. I want to let everybody know that seats are limited. Take advantage of that right away.
I feel like we are on the same page with everything, which I love because sometimes you have guests come on and they’re talking, you’re like, “I wish this wasn’t going on.” You’ve been awesome. You’re incredibly talented and your message is amazing. You rock and please come back again.
I would love to. Let’s make it happen. My website is www.MyMindsetMaster.com
For everybody else, you can find me at www.JenniferHurvitz.com. I’m all over Facebook and Instagram and all that good stuff. If you’re looking for something cool, my peace, love, truth hats, which I’m so excited to tell you, I was asked to become an awareness ambassador for children’s cancer awareness with the Isabella Santos Foundation. I can’t even tell you how excited I am to be able to give back to my community. The Isabella Santos Foundation is a home-based locally here in Charlotte, but it’s for everybody in the world who has anything to do with children’s cancer and rare forms of pediatric cancer.
It’s weird. I have no relation to anybody with children’s cancer, but it is an epidemic. It’s crazy to me how many kids, parents, and families are affected by this. It’s horrible. I decided that I’m going to make it my mission to help and now, they’ve made me an awareness ambassador. If you are looking for something to do and you feel it’s important for you to give to some charity, please give to the Isabella Santos Foundation. It’s on my website. It’s everywhere you find me now because I’m an ambassador. I’m excited about that. I’m hoping it makes me feel good to give back. That’s it. Thanks again for reading and thanks for being here and supporting me as usual. Everybody have a wonderful day. Come back and read. Find Mandy. Once again, www.JenniferHurvitz.com. I love you. Be good. Peace, love, and as always, truth.
Facebook – Jennifer Hurvitz
Instagram – Jennifer Hurvitz
iTunes – Doing Divorce Right (or Avoiding It Altogether) Podcast