Sex is great, but that does not mean that you should be doing it every chance you get. In this episode, Jennifer Hurvitz and Jim Healy talk about reasons why you should not have sex with someone. They talk about the different scenarios that often lead to sex and break down what is not right with them—from consent and feeling guilty, to wanting more out of a relationship and more. Jennifer and Jim shed some light on the reasons why sex is never always a good thing to do, most especially if they are under circumstances without respect.
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Listen to the podcast here:
Why You Probably Shouldn’t Be Having Sex With Him
Jim Healey is in the house with me and we’ve been fighting all day.
That’s not true.
You can be honest with the readers. They like honesty and authenticity.
You’ve been fighting and I’ve been my normal, spectacular self.
Of course, you’re always flipping fantastic.
There’s nothing wrong if we check and see if you’re recording because it’s like a condom. It looks like it’s yelling at the condom for catching the man’s seed. It’s like, “Why did you do that, condom? It was there for insurance.”
Thank you for protecting us.
I’m protecting you from you.
You’re protecting me from me. Thank you. I appreciate you. I do oftentimes forget to press record. We get done with a great podcast and we’re like, “Crap.”
Whose fault is that?
I take it back. I apologize.
Apology accepted.
I did it. See, I apologize when I’m wrong.
I don’t apologize because I’m not wrong.
We saw a Rocketman, which we heard mixed reviews about and we’re not going to spoil it, but I liked it.
In the end, he sings.
In the end, he lives.
He has a drug problem and he sings. He donates a bunch of money to charity.
He’s Elton John and he was fantastic. I’m not an Elton John fan. I was never known John fan and now I am. I like him. It was a great movie. It was heartfelt, poignant and I loved it. It reminded me of a cross between La La Land and The Lion King.
Which he also had the soundtrack for.
I love Lion King. I’m excited about the Lion King. Beyoncé and Michael B. Jordan, is that his name?
Yes.
I’ve never been excited about anything.
He’s good in the Space Jam.
He wasn’t in that. What’s wrong with you?
It’s a different Michael Jordan.
I will be there on the opening night.
Sex is great, but that doesn't mean that you should be doing it every chance you get. Click To Tweet
Could it be better than the cartoon?
I’m a big fan. I can’t wait and I’m excited. Honestly, I could do the whole show for you with props and with Lion King, holding the baby Simba up with Rafiki. I could do the whole thing from the beginning to the end. I kid you not. I’m that good. Moving on over The Lion King, Rocketman was great. We have ice cream waiting for us in the freezer. I’m not going to lie I’m getting my period.
Why would readers need to know this?
I share everything. Maybe I’m sharing too much. People like it when I share because my Facebook page, Jennifer Hurvitz Biz is lighting up. It’s on fire. Since I’ve started sharing crap, people have been engaging. My Facebook page, Jennifer Hurvitz Biz, I’m doing interactive stuff and I’m asking questions. On my Facebook page, come join us. Have some fun with us. We’re doing a question of the day and it’s fun. No one likes me on Instagram. I can’t seem to get any followers on Instagram.
Maybe if you posted photos of your ass. It seems to be what you need to post.
I’m not kidding you. Tits and ass get some more followers. People like posting pictures of their butt cheeks. Talk about your macros, your gains and your firm peach-shaped ass cheeks.
Peach is small. It’s like the size of your fist.
My ass is flat and I don’t care. I like a flat ass, but fat asses, bulbous little round peach, fuzzy asses. The silky-bottom girls seem to be getting all the rage. Maybe I’ll post a picture of ass and see what happens. Speaking of that, we’re going to segue smoothly into ten reasons why you probably shouldn’t have sex with him. That’s what we’re doing from Relationship Rules. RelationshipRules.com is a website that I follow and love. It’s about intimacy and sex. This is from 2018, Ten Reasons You Probably Shouldn’t Have Sex With Him. I thought this was funny. They’re the most obvious ten reasons ever. Maybe women are not familiar with these reasons because you’re a dummy. Maybe it’s big that you feel like you should have sex no matter what. We should delve right in here.
I’m going to start by saying that this is what it says, “Sex is great, but that doesn’t mean that you should be doing it every chance you get. You always have to make sure that the circumstances and the parameters are set just right in order to be able to make the most out of sexual experience. Otherwise, you’re going to end up feeling unfulfilled and disappointed.” Here’s the thing about it. Do you always have to feel unfulfilled and disappointed?
I’m fulfilled.
Let’s be honest about a couple of things. The number one reason you probably shouldn’t be having sex with him is you don’t want to do it. What does that mean? If you’re not entirely sure about wanting to do it, then don’t. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. There’s no pressure here. If you don’t want to have sex, don’t have it. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You should only ever have engaged in sexual relations with someone that you truly want to do with.
Don’t cheat yourself of a prime sexual experience. How are you cheating yourself with prime sexual experience? If you’re not into it, then you’re going to do it.
I have friends that are like, “I went to dinner with him and he bought me dinner. It was great. We had a good time, so I felt like I should have sex with him.”
Who are these people? Can I have their numbers? I won’t buy dinner if I’m going to get laid.
Do you mean hypothetically?
No, realistically.
That’s not right. You should not do that. Do you think that all guys feel that way? If they know they’re going to get laid, they’ll buy you dinner?
That’s prostitution but I’m down for it. It’s legal. Are we talking about Taco Bell level dinner?
Their girlfriends are like, “I felt like he was a great guy and I was horny. I felt like maybe I put out. I wasn’t into it.” If you’re not into it, you shouldn’t do it. That’s what this article is about.
I disagree. He bought you dinner. At least you could do it.
Number two, “You only want to do it because you think it’s what he expects of you.” Who are these women? Who wrote this? You only want to do it because you think it’s what he expects of you. Don’t let your body be used as someone else’s object for pleasure.
That’s the whole reason you’re there.
This is not going well with Jim.
I thought we’re going to be the devil’s advocate here.
You do number three.
“He’s been inconsistent with his efforts with you. He rewards bad behavior with sex.”
You don’t reward bad behavior with sex, Jim.
Why Not Have Sex: Make sure that the circumstances and the parameters are set right in order to be able to make the most out of a sexual experience. Otherwise, you’re going to end up feeling unfulfilled and disappointed.
Why not?
You’re mean. No relations for you.
I’m not mean.
You were backward so you get your no relations. That’s what we call it.
We don’t get to have a relation?
No.
What do you mean?
It’s because you were bad. “If you’re going to sleep with him, even when he hasn’t been the best boyfriend to you, then you’re essentially reinforcing his bad behavior.”
You’re holding out the cooch for a token?
You dangle the carrot. My ex-husband used to do that.
I dangle my carrot here. No one comes running for it.
For example, like my exes say to me, “You don’t cook dinner so I’m not going to whatever.” I said, “Maybe if you whatever, I would cook dinner.”
That’s all it takes?
I’m just saying.
I’ll cook some dinner.
Number four, “You want something serious but he isn’t interested. He wants something casual, but you want something more. What do you do?” There are one million things that you could do, but to sleep with them isn’t one of them. This is the question, seriously. You’re on date three and you maybe are interested, but you’re not sure if you like her. If you kiss her and it’s good, then you would like her more. If you don’t kiss him or do something, then maybe he doesn’t ask you out again.
Maybe he bangs and leaves if he’s not that into you. I get the risk.
It says, “You’re only setting yourself up for heartbreak if you think that sleeping with him is going to be your chance to get him to commit.”
Ladies, work it. If you work at it, you’ve got a chance for a second act. If it’s good, the dude is going to come back.
Do you feel that way? Do you think that if you don’t put out, the guy will respect you more?
If you don’t put it out, he’s gone.
That’s not true. You’re a big slut. I know lots of guys that think that girls are slutty if they put it out.
Having sex for several dates and the first date, it’s one thing.
I think they’re talking about your boyfriend here in this article.
If he’s not into it and if he doesn’t seem interested, he probably isn’t. Let’s be honest.
It says here, “You shouldn’t be so naïve that someone like that would work.” They don’t like you in this article. In number five, it says the same thing.
If you just want a casual hookup but he wants more, it’s the flip side. Instead, you’re not interested, but he is. If you can tell he’s super interested, don’t sleep with him. You’re just going to crush him. “I had sex with a pretty girl.” Kill me. Bring it, ladies.
The number one reason you probably shouldn't be having sex with him is you don't want to do it. Click To Tweet
There are not a lot of guys walking around crying because some girls are like, “I’m sorry you put out because I liked you and you crushed my dreams and my spirits.” This is an awful article.
I don’t know who wrote this, but they’re not smart. You feel like he’s starting to get clingy with you. If he’s getting clingy, you should not put out. Don’t put out if he’s getting clingy because he’s going to get more clingy.
A clingy guy makes for a difficult situation, especially if you’re not into that thing.
It’s telling you to keep your distance. Don’t let him further in. If he is already getting clingy, give him the Heisman.
Clingy isn’t cool anymore. I like clingy.
If clingy isn’t in, what is in?
I like when you’re clingy. You don’t want somebody to be overly dependent on you and you just have sex with them. You’re opening a door for more. Number seven, “He has had some romantic history with one of your closest friends. Why would you date anyone that went out with one of your friends?”
I don’t know. It’s ew.
It was right. You don’t need the drama. Of course, that’s gross. That’s a no.
Your friend is going to be pissed.
Everyone is pissed.
It barely works.
Number eight, “He has mentioned to you that he has plenty of crazy ex-girlfriends.” Can a guy tell you that, anyway?
I’m not sure. They say that it’s a definite red flag you can’t ignore. For one, if it’s true that he’s had crazy ex-girlfriends, then there’s no telling what they’re going to do once they find out you’re sleeping with him. For your own safety, you don’t want the rabbit in the pot or anything on the stove. You don’t need that. Be careful. I can see you getting like that. You’re like that now. You’re close.
That’s not true, but if you were to date one of my friends.
You went to him at Sonoma and bought a big pot. Let’s be honest. I saw you buying a two-gallon pot.
I’ve never even been to Sonoma.
It’s monogrammed with your initials. You have your initials on it and it says Bunny Pot under her initials on the pot.
I may have bought a bunny. Have you ever seen me in a cooking type of store?
Yes. That was the container store we went in once.
It freaked me out. I like things to be contained, not for too long. Number nine, “You are both really drunk.” Being drunk is fun.
Yeah, but you’re not going to remember it.
I don’t know who you’ve been drunk with. I’m never that drunk. Are you ever that drunk that you don’t remember something?
They said really drunk, not just a little buzzed here.
Alcohol and sex never make the combinations if you aren’t going to have a good night.
You wouldn’t even sleep with me if you weren’t drunk.
Why Not Have Sex: If you’re going to sleep with him, even when he hasn’t been the best boyfriend to you, then you’re essentially reinforcing his bad behavior.
It says, “You aren’t going to have a good night in the sack if you’re mentally impaired.”
It gets my whiskey dick.
What’s whiskey dick?
When you’re drunk that things don’t work fairly.
I’ve never even heard of that. I don’t know whose dick you’re using.
I don’t get that drunk so I wouldn’t know.
“He refuses to engage in safe sex with you.” Number ten, “If anybody that you’re dating or going out with refuses to put on a condom.” I say, “There’s the door.” When you showed up on our first date, you had condoms in your backpack attached to your person. You were ready to go.
I came prepared.
No pun intended. You were ready to go. In this day and age, you need to have yourself wrapped in Saran Wrap. You never know.
You have to have a dental dam.
Women don’t even know what a dental dam is. I’ve taught classes with my clients and I’ve mentioned dental dams and they don’t even know what they are. Do you know what a dental dam is?
I don’t know what it is.
Have you ever seen one?
No. I use aluminum foil, personally. I like the texture and I like to lick aluminum foil. I like how it crinkles. I’m using a plastic dental dam aligned in the aluminum foil. It is thicker and I have a more safe feeling of the aluminium. It’s aluminium in the UK. You can fold it into a swan afterward. It’s got real benefits. You can’t do that with a plastic dental dam.
Honestly, if a woman puts out a dental dam and places it over her vagina, what would you do? You would be freaked out, Jim.
I would call the balloon animal guy and I would see if he could make a poodle or something out of that. I would get that special little pump those guys carry and go and make her a sword that she could use on her own. I would make a big excalibur-looking sword.
I need them not that big.
You could make the big ones. Some of these dudes make some incredible things like hats and all types of stuff.
It’s been the most wonderful.
This is just a crap show.
Most of the time, Jim. It’s always when you’re here.
Why?
Because this is what we do for each other, so this is great. Anyway, that’s just the business here.
Is there a dental dam here?
No.
Tinfoil?
No, but I do have some peace, love and truth tank tops.
They’re for sale. I use it for the DMU. There’s no website.
You're only setting yourself up for heartbreak if you think that sleeping with him is going to be your chance to get him to commit. Click To Tweet
I have white t-shirts and black tanks left, peace, love and truth because every time I say goodbye on the podcast, I say peace, love and truth, which is my thing. It can be your thing as well. If you’d like to own a peace, love, truth tank top or t-shirt, you are more than welcome to find me at www.JenniferHurvitz.com or on Facebook and Instagram. You can DM me on Instagram or PM, that’s a private message on Facebook. You can find me and let me know that you want one. I’ll give you the deets and I will send them to your house. It’s $25 and 10% of all proceeds go to the Isabella Santos Foundation, which warms my heart. It is a foundation here in Charlotte, North Carolina that helps find the cure and helps with research for rare pediatric cancers. That’s a good cause and it makes me feel happy to do that and be able to give back to our community and help kids with cancer. If you want a peace, love, truth tee or tank, and hats are coming. They’re on backorder. That’s awesome. What else do I have to say, Jim?
Your show and your speaking engagement.
I have a big thing coming up. If you’re in Detroit or the Detroit area and you want to come see me speak, I’m excited about that. I’ll be at Temple Israel in West Bloomfield, Michigan.
Rush right over.
Come see me. If you can’t get tickets, you can come to me at the door. You’re more than welcome. If you’re in Detroit, come see me. You can see Jim, also. He’ll be there with me. I’m excited to see everybody. We’re excited about that.
Books?
My book Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda.: A Divorce Coach’s Guide to Staying Married, I will have it as well as my tanks and tees. You can get the book on Amazon. In any bookstore, if you walk in and you ask for it, they will order it for you. I can as well send it right to your house. What else do we have to say?
That’s it.
Follow me on Instagram. Follow me on Facebook. Follow me everywhere and thank you once again for always supporting me. Everybody, thank you once again for being here every Tuesday for Doing Divorce Right (or Avoiding it Altogether). Once again, thank you, Jim Healey, for joining me.
You’re welcome. Thanks for having me.
Come back. Peace, love and truth.
Important Links:
Jennifer Hurvitz Biz – Facebook page
Ten Reasons You Probably Shouldn’t Have Sex With Him – article
Instagram – Jennifer Hurvitz
Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda.: A Divorce Coach’s Guide to Staying Married
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