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Words You’ll Wish You Never Heard

I thought I had a pretty good vocabulary.

Then I got divorced and started online dating…

I went on online dating sites and quickly realized I was going to have to learn a whole new online dating vocabulary! All these crazy-ass words, but why? Well, it seems as we continue to fail and fuck up with dating and relationships we need more words to explain why. Like we need these words to describe our many faults? Fabulous.

Take “Cushioning” for example. It’s a newer term where a partner in a monogamous relationship still flirts with other people so if the main relationship fails, there’s a backup plan. Fantastic! Why do we need a new word for that? I call that crap CHEATING. I know, so 2009. (My bad.)

And then there’s cricketing, orbiting, hatfishing, breadcrumbing and submarining…I feel like I need to make flashcards to remember all of them. I promise, there will not be a test after this. But holy shit, I may need to scribble them on my hand.

Ok, ready?

Here’s the quickie lesson on online dating vocabulary for y’all: