I feel validated.
I feel like I can breathe.
I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I am not a horrible person and my life is going to be okay.
I am NEVER blending families and I am proud AF to say it!
And to be honest, until I had Rebecca Eckler, the author of the book Blissfully Blended Bullshit on my podcast, I don’t think I could ever admit it (as confidently as I am now) to the world.
Let me take you back a few…
I am “happily divorced” for the last four years and in a loving, healthy and pretty great two-year relationship. My two teenage boys are thriving and doing as good as two kids of divorce can be doing. (Read my book, Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda. for the deets.) I have an amicable relationship with my Wasbund. So much so, that he just bought me an iPad along with my boys for Mother’s Day and the card read, “For all the extra things you do for our guys. You never cease to amaze me when it comes to the things you do for the boys. Thank you for all the support you give them every day.” Ummm, I think we have a unique co-parenting relationship, and I’m thankful for every moment.
My boyfriend also has two boys. They have a great relationship, as well. But for him and his ex…ya, not so much. It’s not as “amicable” as mine. But, it’s ok. And it’s better than a lot I’ve seen. We have the same 50/50 schedules, week on/ week off which makes it really simple to date. But not so simple if we ever wanted to blend. Now, wait…I have met his boys; he has met my boys.
But blending families would be well…a big, fat cluster fuck.
We would have to mush our boys up in ONE big house all together on the same week. Or, if we switched schedules, we would have two kids on one week, and the other two on the other week…leaving us with kids fulltime, which is better, I think! It’s like a real-life family situation, right? I mean what couple with kids only have them half of the time? But then do we get a three-bedroom house (one for each kid and a master) and expect the kids to sleep in each other’s rooms on their on weeks? Or do we stick with our schedules and get one big house with 5 bedrooms and have them all at once? FOUR BOYS!
And here’s the biggest issue, ready? Jim and I live in two different cities! An hour apart and our kids are in different school districts…which means we either live in the middle and our kids drive 30 mins each to school (and Jim drives his eleven-year-old) or…two of them move schools. Oh, and our Ex’s live in the said cities as well, which means driving for them and all the “what-if’s” with forgetting things, and shit.
OMG, DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
About her new book, Blissfully Blended Bullshit!
So, in comes Rebecca Eckler.
And I swear to you, I have never been so happy in all my life. And why you ask? Well, because we talked about the hell that blended families go through and how no one really gets it! Now, she is funny, and you have to understand her book is filled with humor intertwined with the stories of woe…but she is honest. And authentic. Rebecca has a direct and relatable approach to her storytelling that often times can make her readers a bit uncomfortable. But you know what? The world needs to hear it. And feel it…and learn from her mistakes.
I know what it’s like to make mistakes in life; don’t we all make mistakes?
We are so alike, Rebecca and I. Me and Rebecca. Whatever! Both divorced and wishing we could take back a few of our choices when it came to our kids. But instead of feeling shitty and regretful we chose to share our experiences so we could help other people understand what divorce truly looks like and how maybe, being in a blended family really isn’t so “splendid” after all.
Thank you, Rebecca for validating what I already knew was true. I am never going to blend our families. We are doing just fine the way it is and it’s working for us. And isn’t that what’s most important anyway? To do what works for you and your specific situation? Stop judging me. Stop making comments like, “When are you going to get married and move in?” Or, “Why haven’t your boys met it’s been two years…that’s so crazy.” It’s none of your business; and it’s because of my kids that they are not meeting.
I am choosing to give them the gift of space and time.
My time and their own personal space.
Everyone’s situation is different so kudos to those who are “blending splendidly”. I’m not judging you for doing it, so please stop judging me for not. I plan on keeping my family not shaken, blended or stirred. Just straight up and sometimes on the rocks. (But only when I’m getting my period. Ha.) 😉
xo j