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A Christmas Quandary…

I am torn. I am puzzled. I’m upset and confused. If I’m honest, I am sitting here wishing someone could help decide what to do! Oh, yeah…I guess I should fill you in, huh? I have to choose where to go for Christmas, and I have no clue what to do. I know I know! It should be an easy choice. My Mom and Dad are out in LA with my brother, his hubby, and my new nephew. It’s Sebastian’s very first Christmas! And my sister and her kids will be there, too. It’s a no-brainer, right? I should hop on a flight and head out west to be with my family. Duh. Christmas in California or Bust! But wait, here’s the other choice… My boyfriend, Jim, and his family will be having Christmas in Virginia and of course, I’m invited. So nice…and it’s important to him that I’m there. His Aunt Mary loves me (and I her). His sister Mel is the best…his Dad and all the cousins…omg! We have such a great time together. How can I not go? And sure his boys don’t like me, but they’re starting to warm up! And I think this trip could be good for us–time to spend together getting to know each other. It’s pretty significant I think. And on top of it, Jim is my family here in Charlotte. He’s my rock, my best friend…and I want to be with him. He is who I really should be with next week…I know this!

But it’s so hard to want to be in two places at once!

I want so badly to be with my family in California but also here in Charlotte celebrating with my boyfriend and his kids. How do people make these tough decisions year after year? When I was married, it was simple! I went where my kids were and that was that. My KIDS dictated where I was going to be. Now that I’m divorced, they are with their Dad. I’m left to fend for myself. And at least I have options this year. Some holidays, I end up sitting alone with nowhere to go. I guess there are bigger problems to have than choosing which family to be with on Christmas, right? (Rhetorical.)

And I do know whatever choice I end up making will be the right one.

I know Jim will never resent me if I go to California, nor will my parents and siblings be angry if I choose Virginia with Jim.

But I will feel guilty no matter what I decide because I’ve let someone down. (It’s Jewish guilt I guess but I can’t help it.) If I go to LA, I’ll be missing Jim…hoping and praying he’s not upset. And if I choose Virginia, I’ll be beating myself up that I had a chance to be with Sebastian on his very first Christmas or spending time with my aging parents. UGHHHH! My heart hurts. I feel nauseous. What should I do? I guess only time will tell and I will find the way to where I’m supposed to be. As corny and “cliche” as that may sound, it’s the truth. But really, what would you do? Would you pick your real family over your new one? Or would you celebrate with the man that has genuinely supported you over the last two years? Yikes.

I have quite the Christmas quandary on my hands, Y’all. Because truth be told, no matter where I spend the holiday next week…I know I’ll be wishing I was at the other place. Ha. 😉 Merry Christmas, Everyone! XO j

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