I wish I hated him.
Or he did something shitty.
Or he was mean.
I wish he cheated on me…
Or said hurtful words, was disrespectful or unkind. Then maybe this breakup would make sense. Maybe it would be less painful. I’d be able to eat and sleep. I’d stop crying. Ya. Maybe if he was a horrible human being, this break up would be a piece of cake.
But he’s not.
He is my best friend.
And he’s wonderful. And I’m probably going to love him for as long as I live. In fact, maybe even longer than that. He might even be my soul mate. I can’t even believe I broke up with him, for Goddess sake, but I did. And it’s over. And that is that. Well, there is much more than “that is that” but I’m not sharing it. It’s between me, and #13. It’s our story, and I will keep it for us. (See, JH, I’m not so bad after all.) But I will share this: Sometimes love is just not enough to keep two people together. Sometimes, love is not enough to make it work. And sometimes, you just have to let go of what you think is forever…even though you want it so fucking bad it hurts.
I wanted it so bad I put things that were super important to me aside.
And that, my friends, is no bueno.
I will stop crying now, so I can see what I’m typing.
And yes, I’ve been crying for three days. And yes, I have lost five pounds which some of you might find to be a negative thing, but I am thinking it’s the BEST thing that’s happened thus far. And yes, I am not sleeping but sleep is overrat