PMS is something that almost every woman on the planet dread. At worse, menstruation can directly affect marriage, and a lot of people will do anything, including meditation, to cope with its negative effects. In this episode, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS)™ Jennifer Hurvitz talks about the frustration of making men understand what it’s like to go through a menstrual cycle, and it’s not just about the blood. She covers the emotions and environment it creates for a relationship. Jennifer shares how she discovered a way to treat her PMDD (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder), and how it changed everything for her.
Listen to the podcast here:
Menstruation, Meditation And Marriage
I’m solo and I’m excited about that. I get to talk about anything I want and you are going to be shocked about this one. I’m going to be doing a discussion about something that could possibly end a marriage or relationship or cause problems. It’s been a rough week over here because of my period or PMS, otherwise known as PMDD, Premenstrual dysphoric disorder. This podcast is all about PMS and bleeding. I’m calling it menstruation, meditation and marriage. I am convinced that I cannot understand why men cannot understand that when we get our periods, we’re wenches. What is the problem? Why don’t you get it? I’ve been dating you for two years and for two years, every single month, four days before I bleed, I’m a wench. I get it because here’s the deal. When I was married to my wasband, we used to schedule trips, my wedding, my honeymoon, Disney world or whatever it was around my period.
PMDD is a serious problem. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder is a clinically medical condition and there’s nothing you can do about it. It is a real deal. It’s a real thing until probably five years into my marriage, I didn’t know that you could take medication for it. I’d always gone to a male gynecologist my whole life and I used to say, “I have PMS. I’m a total wench.” He used to say, “Exercise, watch what you’re eating, don’t do this or don’t eat chocolate.” I moved to Charlotte and this is a true story. I started seeing a female gynecologist and I’m like, “I have the worst PMS. I’m depressed. I get angry all the time. I’m irritable and I snap at everybody. My boobs are killing me.” I had no other symptoms. It wasn’t bad cramps. I had girl friends who had the worst cramps ever in high school. They had to get a doctor’s note for PE and stuff. I never had that. I didn’t have heavy bleeding. I was a complete nightmare and awful to people.
I could have these automatic experiences watching me be nasty and I couldn’t help it. She’s like, “Why don’t you take anything?” I was like, “What do you mean? She’s like, “You can take medication for PMDD. Why didn’t anyone do anything for you?” I was like, “You’re kidding.” She’s like, “No. You can take Prozac seven days before your period and then go off of it.” I’m like, “Oh my God.” I went home and I told my husband at the time and he sent her a bottle of wine. He sent my gynecologist, at the time, a bottle of wine and said, “This is the best thing that ever happened because you know you can do something for yourself. You don’t have to walk around feeling like crap.” It helped us because it made me better, but I also gained weight, which sucked. I don’t get it because I don’t know why people don’t understand that PMS is real. I’m going to breathe because then comes in the next thing, meditation.
Once again, I’m getting my period and I’m a total wench, but I don’t worry him. I don’t say, “I’m getting my period in four days.” He pushes button. It’s like, “I said I’m getting my period. Isn’t that enough? Isn’t that a red flag? I put up the menses flag.” You would think that he would get it. Most of the time, he does because he does, but then there are times that he’ll say something like, “Is this the menses talking?” I’m like, “Did he just say that? Do I punch him? Do you want me to kill you?” I eat what I’m saying. Jim Healey is funny. If you were here, he would be dying right now because that’s what he says. Not sure, but this can be the menses. I’m pissed at that point that I want to kill him because of course, it’s the menses. He knows that and pushes the button.
At the beginning of our relationship, I tried to hide it. We, always girls, have to start off the first 90 days hiding things like this. You try to suppress the nastiness every month. You don’t want them to know about this because it’s bad and he might not want you. You’ve ease them in, you sit them down and you say, “I’ve got to tell you about this. Every month, I get a little crabby.” You don’t tell him it’s PMDD because he might not want you. You’ve got to ease them into it. You don’t tell them that your ex-husband sent you away every month to Canada, Guam or Barbados to get you out of the house because you were such a crotch. No, you just ease them in. I sat him down, “Jim, I’m nasty every month,” but little does he know, he likes me on the days that I’m not nasty. That’s my story.
Menstruation, Meditation And Marriage: You can’t tell a woman having PMS to just be nice. It’s like telling someone with a headache to stop having a headache.
I went to Campowerment and it’s fantastic. I decided to learn how to meditate. I’ve never done that before and I don’t know if anyone meditates. Anne Sussman, who’s the meditation maven, taught me some tricks. I’m doing a 21-day meditation program. I’m thinking the meditation is going to help ease the menses symptoms. We’re going to try it. I’ve been meditating every day and I’ve missed a couple of days. I’m not going to lie. I was 21-day in a row meditation. I’ve missed a few probably because I’ve been too busy grumbling. I had this little corner of my room. I set up a chair with Sid, the Buddha guy and I have a candle. I use Calm, the app, and I’m breathing into my person. I’m like, “This is going to work,” but yet again, I’m still a wench. I’m giving it a couple more days. Maybe I will be less crotchety. It’s hard to say.
Again, we have the meditation, the menses and the marriage. I’m thinking to myself, “Maybe my marriage was clearly affected by this menses and I have to own up to that, too.” I should write a book about that. Do you feel like relationships are affected by menstruation? My boyfriend is probably reading this going, “Jen, it is because I hate you.” I know he does. What am I supposed to do? Move out? I’m not living with him, but what do you do? Move your wife out? You can’t move her out. Everyone’s probably going, “You just be nice, Jen. Stop being nasty when you’re getting your period,” but I can’t. Everyone knows when you have PMS, you can’t. It’s like telling a person with a headache to stop having a headache or, “Mister with that horrible bronchitis, stop coughing. You have strep throat. I hope you stop making your throat hurt.”
Do you understand what I’m saying? You can’t stop being depressed or being angry before you get your period because it’s a symptom of a brain hormonal shift. That’s my rant. The craziest thing about this is the minute, the second the blood comes, I’m perfectly fine. It’s weird. I start to bleed and I’m perfectly perfect. I’m wonderful and I’m singing like it’s the happiest thing you’ve ever seen. It’s absolute craziness. I don’t know what to say about it. I thought I’d do a podcast about it. I thought that I’d vent during my solo podcast. I told him, “I’m not going to come with your family if I don’t get my period.” God only knows if I don’t have my period, which I’m hopefully going to get it, I will be a total wench. It will just make everyone upset. I say that and then he gets mad.
Why can’t you just be nice? Understand that, please. It’s one of those things. “Is it the menses? Could it be the menses?” I want to slap him. I hope this was fun for you talking about meditation, which I am doing. Thank you, Sussy. Meditation, menses and marriage, the three Ms. If you have anything to say about this, which I’m sure I will get a ton of feedback on this one because people would probably think I’m nuts. PMDD is a real thing and I’m sticking to it. If you don’t have my books, One Happy Divorce and Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda, they’re available and I’m going to give you a special code. That way, I’ll know if you’ve been reading. It’s PODJEN20 at WarrenPublishing.net. You can get my books for 20% off. You can get one book, two books, whatever you want.
I’m thrilled to say that, probably known me rant about OprahMag.com. My book was chosen number five out of eleven books next to some fantastic company. Number five for the best marriage books to read with a partner for a healthy relationship. It doesn’t get any better than that. Oprah is the queen. Thank you, Sara Berger for picking my book. It’s exciting and lots of exciting stuff going on. I hope, cross your fingers, set good juju, Happy Easter and Happy Pesach. I hope everybody had a great weekend. You can find me everywhere at www.JenniferHurvitz.com. I’m on Instagram, please follow me there. I don’t have a lot of followers, but I love it. It’s @JenniferHurvitzBiz. Once again, it’s been a pleasure. Peace, love and truth. Let’s hope I get my period.
One Happy Divorce – Warren Publishing
Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda – Warren Publishing
@JenniferHurvitzBiz – Instagram
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