Pain is Beauty.

The creams.

The needles.

The pastes.

The poking, pinching and picking.

The popping, cutting and sucking…all the painful, horrible and insanely demoralizing things we do to make ourselves beautiful! But for who? (Or is it for whom?) Whatever who really cares at this point I just want to know WHY? Why do we do it? Why do we spend a billion dollars and invest so much of our time and energy trying to make ourselves perfect? Make our person perkier or thinner or smoother in all the right places? Why do we think pain is beauty?

Or just be different than the woman we were meant to be…

Fuck, someone tell me why?  

So, as I look into the 100X magnifying mirror on my counter (that I bought for the sole purpose of examining my ten thousand imperfections) I think, ”What can I correct next?” It must be my age that makes me buy the latest (and most expensive) cream for wrinkles or takes me to the Dermatologist to laser away my sun-damaged skin. Maybe I’m feeling insecure because I can’t compete with the younger editions of “me” out there? Or is it because I’m back in the dating world…Is that my M.O? I feel the need to stab my face with Botox-filled needles to erase all the years of heartache and despair. (Ha. Yes, do it! Inject away all the emotion!) Is she happy, is she sad? At this point…we just can’t tell.

Fuck, why can’t I just be satisfied with the woman staring me back in the mirror?  

Well, dammit it’s not that I’m not happy, per se. I honestly just like to look good! Looking good makes me FEEL GOOD…and what the hell is wrong with that? I think putting yourself together is important and it says a whole lot about who you are and what you want to say to the world! And sure, I’m getting up there. I’m turning 46 this October and no, I’m not thrilled. My ass is sagging, my tits (although fake) could use a little “pick-me-up” and I am starting to see gray under my already dyed-blonde. What the fuck?!? Getting old sucks any way you slice it. And I am not going to apologize for not wanting to go down gracefully! I will fight this shit til the end. (Chin hairs and all!)

So why do we gather all the potions and products we can afford?

Because it makes us feel better. (At least, I know it makes me feel better.)

And there is nothing wrong with that.

In fact, I am such a fucking sucker I just ordered that Spencer Barnes Neck Roller thingy. (YES I DID.) And it’s the stupidest damn thing I’ve ever used in my lifetime. But I had to try it and I just thought if my Turkey Gobbler neck could look like that skinny-ass bitch in the infomercial then it would be worth it! But alas, it was a stupid piece of garbage. I also got Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP and I LOVE it. Cost me my first born son and a few of my eggs but dang it’s solid shit. Yeesh.

They also say pain is beauty. As I sit here typing this, my teeth are hurting so badly I can hardly move my mouth. I got Invisalign this morning and I’m dying. DYING I tell you. There’s not enough Advil in my house to make this pain stop. But in just 15 weeks, I’ll have the most beautifully (already) straight teeth you’ve ever seen…gotta love it!

Can you say, sucka? 😉