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Online Dating After Divorce: Truth Hurvitz Style

We matched on Bumble.

We chatted for two days.

We exchanged numbers.

We texted for “real” on the phone.

We had an actual speaking conversation for fuck sake…it was like we knew each other for years! He said all the right things. I was über witty. We continued texting on and off for a week and even scheduled a date at a hot spot uptown.

Then, the night before we were supposed to meet..NOTHING. The douche goes black.

And when I say black, I don’t mean he decided to take his coffee sans the cream. (Or is it dark? Oh whatever.) I’m saying the fucker stopped calling and texting. I never heard from him again.

What the hell? What kind of human being pulls that shit? It’s not nice, or kind. It’s just flat-out rude. But getting “ghosted” happens all the time! C’mon, at least come up with something new! Although passé, it’s still bullshit. (And women do it too! Trust me, this behavior isn’t gender specific.)

But it has become completely acceptable in online dating after divorce. And here’s why: It’s simply the lack of human interaction and contact. Yup! Hear me out, ok? Taking the “face-to-face” away from the initial courting process has stripped us of all emotion. We have no reasons to feel any guilt for hurting another person’s feelings. “Who really cares if I cancel a date? I don’t really know her anyway.” Right? Wrong.

So, so wrong. Like…omg. YOU ARE WRONG.

You have formed a connection! That person receiving your texts is, in fact, a human with a heart. And even though they might not “know” you yet “for real”…they feel like they do. Let’s have some fucking Online Dating Etiquette shall we? Let’s take a deep breath and remember that there actually is a PERSON with feelings getting those blue bubbles!

I get it, I do. Texting makes it all too easy. We have superhuman chutzpah! You say things you would NEVER say in “real life”. Am I right? And it’s so easy to LIE via text, too. They can’t see your face, or your body language when you’re canceling that date to go out with the other women you met the night before. 

Listen, I just read about this thing called a TEXTATIONSHIP. Have you heard of it? Well, I guess new (and a big crock of shit, if you ask me). Who the fuck comes up with this crap? A textationship is a person that texts you all the time but never makes an effort to see you. Really? They actually have a name for this asshole? This loser-person that is just simply lazy, or socially inept?

Come on, y’all! Is our society really this fucked up? Put down your phones, get in your cars…and meet face-to-face! Look in her eyes, and speak. Tell him all about your kids, and listen to his voice in person. Feel his hand on your leg or her breath on your face.

Textationship my ass!

Look, online dating after divorce blows. But unfortunately, this online crap is kinda where it’s at. Unless of course, you’re lucky enough to meet on Facebook…or through mutual friends. But I’m not at hanging out bars and no guys are picking me up at Starbucks. And hell, we all make mistakes! We pick the wrong ones. It’s just the way this shit works. We’re just trying to find the right person.

But there is a NICE way to handle it. Be honest. Be clear, and be upfront. Explain what your deal is…and then use your words! Grab a pair and own your shit. Say you’re not coming to meet instead of just not showing up. Say you found someone else and you’re going to give it a shot. Just be authentic. The other day, I canceled on a really great dude. But I was HONEST. I sucked it up, and I told him the truth. And I’m pretty dang sure he appreciated it. Even if it hurt. 

Be that person you would want your son or daughter texting with or swiping right on. Because hear this…online dating IS here to stay! And our kiddos are going to be doing this shit for a long, long time. If my sons ever treat a woman the way some of these guys have treated me, I’ll kick their little asses. And men, think about a guy shitting all over your daughter! Yeah, feels a little bit different now doesn’t it? Ok, so who wants to be EXTRA sweet to that person you’re texting right now?

Good. My work is done here. 😉

xo j

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